Great literature translated into internet chat and text message abbreviations

Memorable quotes:

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.

~John F. Kennedy

AND SO MAH FALOW M3RICANS ASK NOT WUT UR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR U ASK WUT U CAN DO FOR UR COUNTRY

JON!!!11!1!1 OMG F!!!11!!! K3N3DY

A government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.

~Abraham Lincoln

A GOVERNM3NT OF TEH P3OPLE BY DA P3OPL3 FOR TEH PEOPLE SHAL NOT PERISH FROM DA EARTH

ABRAHM!1!1!!! WTF LINCOLN

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

~Albert Einstein

DA MOST BAUTIFUL THNG WE CAN AXPAREINC3 SI TEH MYSTARIOS!1!!!1! IT SI DA SOURCE OF AL TRUE ART AND SCEINCE

ALBRT!!1111 OMG LOL 3INSTEIN

This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.

~Neil Armstrong

THES SI ONE SMAL STAP FOR A MAN ON3 GIANT L3AP FOR MANKIND

NEIL!!!11! LOL ARMSTRONG

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

~ Robin Williams as Professor Keating in Dead Poet's Society

WE DONT READ AND WRIET POETRY B/C ITS CUTA!!!!1 LOL WE RAAD AND WRIET PO3TRY B/C WA R MEMBRS OF DA HUMAN RAEC!!!!!11! OMG WTF LOL AND TEH HUMAN RAEC SI FILED WIT PASION!!11!!!!! LOL AND MEDICIEN LAW BUSIENS ENGIENARNG THASE R NOBLE PURSUITS AND N3C3SARY 2 SUSTANE LIEF!1!1!1!! OMG WTF BUT POETRY BAUTY ROMANCE LOVE THESA R WUT WA STAY ALIEV FOR!111!!!! OMG 2 QUOT3 FROM WHITMAN O ME!11!11 OMG WTF O LIEF.!!1!!!1!!1!1!11!!!!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL OF TEH QUASTIONS OF THASE RECURNG OF TEH ENDLAS TRANES OF TEH FATEHL3S-OF CITEIS FILED WIT TEH FOLISH WUT GOD MID THES3 O ME O LIEF??!?? OMG WTF ANSWER!!1!!111 OMG LOL TAHT U R HARA - TAHT LIEF 3XISTS AND IEDNTITY TAHT TEH POW3RFUL PLAY GOES ON AND U MAY CONTRIBUTA A VERSA!!1!1 OMG LOL TAHT DA POWERFUL PLAY GOES ON AND U MAY CONTRIBUTA A VERSE!11!1 WTF WUT WIL UR VERSA B

?!!??!!

ROBIN WILIMS AS PROFESOR KAATNG IN DAAD POATS SOCEITY

William Shakespeare:

Sonnet XVIII

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

SON3T XVII

SHAL I R THE 2 A SUMERS DAY

THOU??!!? WTF LOL ART MOR3 LOVELEY AND MORE TAMP3RAET

ROUGH WINDS DO SHAEK DA DARLNG BUDS OF MAY

AND SUMERS LAAES HATH AL 2 SHORT A DAET

SOMETIEM 2 HOT DA AYE OF H3AEVN SHIENS

AND OFT3N SI HIS GOLD COMPLEXION DIMAD

AND EVERY FARE FROM FARE SOMATIEM DACLIENS

BY CHANC3 OR NATURES CHANGNG COURS3 UNTRIMAD

BUT THY 3T3RNAL SUMAR SHAL NOT FAED

NOR LOSE POS3SION OF TAHT FARE THOU OWST

NOR SHAL D3ATH BRAG THOU WANDARST IN HIS SHAED

WHAN IN 3TERNAL LIENS 2 TIEM THOU GROWST

SO LONG AS M3N CAN BR3ATHE OR EY3S CAN SE

SO LONG LIEVS THIS AND THES GIEVS LIEF 2 THE!11!!!!!! OMG WTF

Sonnet CXVI

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

SONAT CXVI

LET ME NOT 2 TEH MARIAEG OF TRUE MINDS

ADMIT IMP3DIEMNTS!!111 OMG LUV SI NOT LOVE

WHICH ALTARS WH3N IT ALTERATION FINDS

OR BNDS WIT TEH REMOVER 2 REMOVE

O NO!1!11111! OMG WTF IT SI AN EVER-FIEXD MARK

TAHT LOKS ON TEMPESTS AND SI NAVER SHAEKN

IT SI DA STAR 2 EVARY WANDERNG BARK

WHOSA WORTHS UNKNOWN ALTHOUGH HIS H3IGHT B TAEKN

LOVAS!11!!!!1 OMG WTF NOT TIEMS FOL THOUGH ROSY LIPS AND CHEKS

WITHIN HIS BNDNG SIKL3S COMPAS COMA

LOVA ALT3RS NOT WIT HIS BREIF HOURS AND WEKS

BUT BARS IT OUT AVEN 2 DA 3DGE OF DOM

IF!!!1111 OMG WTF THES B EROR AND UPON MA PROVAD

I NEV3R WRIT NOR NO MAN AVAR LOVAD

Hamlet:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause: there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life;

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,

The insolence of office and the spurns

That patient merit of the unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscover'd country from whose bourn

No traveller returns, puzzles the will

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pith and moment

With this regard their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!

The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons

Be all my sins remember'd.

HML3T:

2 B OR NOT 2 B TAHT SI TEH QUESTION

WH3THER TIS NOBL3R IN DA MIND 2 SUFER

THE SLNGS AND AROWS OF OUTRAEGOS FORTUN3

OR 2 TAEK ARMS AGANEST A SAA OF TROUBL3S

AND BY OPOSNG AND TH3M?!?!? OMG WTF 2 DEI 2 SLEP

NO MORE AND BY A SLEP 2 SAY WE END

THE H3ART-ACH3 AND DA THOSAND NATURAL SHOX

TAHT FLESH SI HEIR 2 TIS A CONSUMATION

D3VOUTLEY 2 B WISHD!1!11 OMG LOL 2 DEI 2 SLEP

2 SLEP PARCHANC3 2 DRAM AY THERES TEH RUB

FOR IN TAHT SLEP OF D3ATH WUT DR3MS MAY COM3

WH3N W3 HAEV SHUFL3D OF THES MORTAL COIL

MUST GIEV US PAUES THERES TEH RASPECT

TAHT MAEKS CALMITY OF SO LONG LIEF

FOR WHO WUD BAR DA WHIPS AND SCORNS OF TIEM

THE OPRASORS WRONG DA PROUD MANS CONTUMELEY

THE PANGS OF DESPIESD LOVE TEH LAWS DELAY

THE INSOLANCA OF OFIEC AND DA SPURNS

TAHT PATEINT MERIT OF TEH UNWORTHY TAEKS

WHEN HA HIMSELF MIGHT HIS QUEITUS MAEK

WITH A R BODKIN???????! OMG LOL WHO WUD FARDELS BAR

2 GRUNT AND SWAAT UNDAR A W3ARY LIEF

BUT TAHT TEH DREAD OF SOMETHNG AFTAR DEATH

TH3 UNDISCOV3RD COUNTRY FROM WHOSA BOURN

NO TRAEVL3R RATURNS PUZLAS TEH WIL

AND MAEKS US RATHAR BAR THOS3 ILS W3 HAEV

THAN FLEY 2 OTHARS TAHT WE KNOW NOT OF

THUS???!?!??! WTF CONSCEINCE DOES MAEK COWARDS OF US AL

AND THUS DA NATIEV HUA OF RESOLUTION

IS SIKLEID OAR WIT DA PAEL CAST OF THOUGHT

AND ANTARPRIESS OF GREAT PITH AND MOMANT

WITH THES REGARD THEYRE CUR3NTS TURN AWRY

AND LOSA TEH NME OF ACTION-SOFT!!11!! WTF U NOW

THE!!11!!! FARE OPH3LIA!!11! OMG WTF LOL NYMPH IN THY ORISONS

B AL MAH SINS REM3MBRD

!1!1!111 WTF LOL

Marcus Antony:

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus

Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.

Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest--

For Brutus is an honourable man;

So are they all, all honourable men--

Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.

He was my friend, faithful and just to me:

But Brutus says he was ambitious;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

He hath brought many captives home to Rome

Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:

Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?

When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

You all did see that on the Lupercal

I thrice presented him a kingly crown,

Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;

And, sure, he is an honourable man.

I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did love him once, not without cause:

What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

MARCUS AN2NY:

FREINDS ROMANS COUNTRYMAN LAND MA UR EARS

I COM3 2 BURY CA3SAR NOT 2 PRASEE HIM

THE!!111! OMG WTF EVIL TAHT MEN DO LIEVS AFTER THAM

THA GOD SI OFT INT3R3D WIT THERE BONAS

SO L3T IT B WIT CAASAR!1!1! OMG TEH NOBL3 BRUTUS

HATH 2LD U CA3SAR WAS MBITIOS

IF IT WARA SO IT WAS A GREIVOS FAULT

AND GREIVOSLEY HATH CAESAR ANSW3RD IT

HER3!111!1111 UNDAR LEAEV OF BRUTUS AND TEH REST-

FOR BRUTUS SI AN HONOURABL3 MAN

SO R TH3Y AL AL HONOURABLA MEN-

COMA I 2 SPAAK IN CAASARS FUNARAL

HE!11!1111 OMG LOL WAS MAH FREIND FATEHFUL AND JUST 2 MA

BUT BRUTUS SAYS HE WAS MBITIOS

AND BRUTUS SI AN HONOURABL3 MAN

HE!11!!1!! OMG WTF HATH BROUGHT MANY CAPTIEVS HOM3 2 ROM3

WHOSE RANSOMS DID DA GENERAL COFERS FIL

DID THES IN CA3SAR SEM MBITIOS

WHEN??!!!!!!! LOL TAHT DA POR HAEV CREID CA3SAR HATH WAPT

MBITION SHUD B MAED OF STARNER STUF

Y3T BRUTUS SAYS H3 WAS MBITIOS

AND BRUTUS SI AN HONOURABLA U!!!111!!! AL DID SE TAHT ON TEH LUPARCAL

I THRIEC PR3S3NTAD HIM A KNGLEY CROWN

WHICH HA DID THRIEC RAFUES WAS THES MBITION

YET??!!???! WTF LOL BRUTUS SAYS H3 WAS MBITIOS

AND SUR3 HE SI AN HONOURABLE MAN

I!!!11111 OMG WTF SPAAK NOT 2 DISPROV3 WUT BRUTUS SPOKA

BUT HARA IM 2 SP3AK WUT I DO U!!1111 LOL AL DID LUV HIM ONCE NOT WITHOUT WUT CAUES WITHOLDS U THAN 2 MOURN FOR HIM

O?!?!!?!!? WTF JUDGMENT!1!1!!!1 OMG LOL THOU ART FLED 2 BRUTISH BASTS

AND M3N HAEV LOST THERE R3ASON!!!11!!1 OMG WTF LOL BAR WIT M3

MY HEART SI IN TEH COFIN THEIR WIT CAESAR

AND I MUST PAUES TIL IT COM3 BAK 2 ME

!1!!!! LOL

Macbeth:

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

MACBTH:

2-MOROW AND 2-MOROW AND 2-MOROW

CREPS IN THES PETY PAEC FROM DAY 2 DAY

2 TEH LAST SYLABLA OF R3CORDED TIEM

AND AL OUR Y3ST3RDAYS HAEV LIGHT3D FOLS

THE WAY 2 DUSTY D3ATH!1!!! LOL OUT OUT BREIF CANDL3

LIEFS!11!!11 BUT A WOKNG SHADOW A POR PLAEYR

TAHT STRUTS AND FRETS HIS HOUR UPON DA STAEG

AND THAN SI HEARD NO MORA IT SI A TAEL

2LD BY AN IDIOT FUL OF SOUND AND FURY

SIGNIFYNG NOTHNG

!11!!1!! OMG WTF

A Red, Red Rose

~ Robert Burns

O, my love is like a red, red rose,

That is newly sprung in June.

O, my love is like the melody,

That is sweetly played in tune.

As fair are you, my lovely lass,

So deep in love am I,

And I will love you still, my Dear,

Till all the seas go dry.

Till all the seas go dry, my Dear,

And the rocks melt with the sun!

O I will love you still, my Dear,

While the sands of life shall run.

And fare you well, my only Love,

And fare you well a while!

And I will come again, my Love,

Although it were ten thousand mile!

A R3D RAD ROSE

ROBRT BURNS

O MAH LUV SI LIEK A RED RAD ROSE

TAHT SI N3WLEY SPRUNG IN JUN3

O!!111111 WTF MAH LUV SI LIEK TEH M3LODY

TAHT SI SWETLEY PLAEYD IN TUN3

AS!!111!!1 OMG WTF FARE R U MAH LOVELEY LAS

SO DEP IN LUV M I

AND I WIL LUV U STIL MAH DEAR

TIL AL TEH S3AS GO DRY

TIL!!!1!!! WTF LOL AL DA SEAS GO DRY MAH D3AR

AND TEH ROX MELT WIT DA SUN

O!!1!!!1! OMG LOL I WIL LUV U STIL MAH D3AR

WHIEL TEH SANDS OF LIEF SHAL RUN

AND!!!1111 R U W3L MAH ONLEY LOVE

AND R U WAL A WHIEL

AND!1!!1 LOL I WIL COME AGANE MAH LOVE

ALTHOUGH IT W3R3 TEN THOSAND MIEL!111!1 OMG LOL

Leisure

~W. H. Davies

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?—

No time to stand beneath the boughs,

And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

LEISURA

W!111!! OMG WTF H!!!11! OMG LOL WUT SI THES LIEF IF FUL OF CAER

WE HAEV NO TIEM 2 STAND AND STAER—

NO?!??? OMG WTF TIEM 2 STAND BN3ATH DA BOUGHS

AND R AS LONG AS SHEP AND COWS

NO TIEM 2 SE WHEN WODS WE PAS

WHERE SQUIR3LS HIED THEYRE NUTS IN GRAS

NO TIEM 2 SE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

STRAMS FUL OF STARS LIEK SKEIS AT NIGHT

NO TIEM 2 TURN AT BAUTYS GLANCA

AND WATCH H3R FET HOW THEY CAN DANCE

NO TIEM 2 WATE TIL HAR MOUTH CAN

ENRICH TAHT SMIEL HER AYAS BGAN

A??!??!?!? WTF LOL POR LIEF THES IF FUL OF CAER

WE HAEV NO TIEM 2 STAND AND STAER!!!11 OMG

The 23^rd Psalm:

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil:

For thou art with me;

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;

Thou annointest my head with oil;

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

DA 23RD PSALM

THA LORD SI MAH SHAPH3RD I SHAL NOT WANT

HE!1!1!11 OMG LOL MAEKTH ME 2 LEI DOWN IN GREN PASTURAS

H3 LEAEDTH M3 BSIED DA STIL W8RS

HE!!!!!!1! OMG WTF RAS2RETH MAH SU

HA LEAEDTH M3 IN DA PATHS OF RIGHT3OSNES FOR HIS NMA SAEK

YAA!1111 WTF LOL THOUGH I WOK THROUGH DA VALEY OF TEH SHADOW OF DAATH

I WIL FEAR NO AVIL

FOR THOU ART WIT ME

THY ROD AND THY STAF THEY COMFORT ME

THOU!1!1!1 OMG WTF LOL PREPAERST A TABL3 BFORE M3 IN TEH PRESANCE OF MIEN 3N3MEIS

THOU ANOINT3ST MAH HAAD WIT OIL

MY CUP RUNETH OVER

SUR3LEY!1!1!1!!1 WTF GODN3S AND MERCY SHAL FOLOW M3 AL TEH DAYS OF MAH LIEF

AND I WIL DW3L IN TEH HOUES OF DA LORD FOREVER

!!1!1!!1! OMG

Mangling of the language made possible by the KEWL English-to-12-year-old AOler Translator.